Choose Respect

This week has been really hard.  Sometimes at work I see things that make my heart hurt. Some days there are a lot of those things. Some days it makes me angry that as a society we choose to let people hurt each other these ways.

Last week was a day the governor of Alaska, Sean Parnell, declared "Choose Respect" Day. Across the state, communities took a stand against domestic violence. It was pretty cool to see how many people showed up to "Choose Respect." It was pretty cool to see how many men stood with women  at the rally in Fairbanks. It was great to see pictures of men and boys from communities across the state wearing t-shirts that said "Alaska Men Choose Respect."


But then we all go back to real life. In real life, in Fairbanks Alaska, homeless people don't get respect. Drug addicts don't get respect. People in recovery don't get respect. Victims of violence don't get respect. Women are ashamed when their husbands or boyfriends beat them. Victims are ashamed when they are raped. Multiply the shame and disrespect by 10 if the person being judged is Native, or black.

A great privilege of my job is getting the opportunity to connect in an honest and direct and open and trusting way with people. Women let me into their inner worlds so that they won't have to walk alone. I do my best to honor this privilege by giving them utmost respect and making every effort to be worthy of the trust they have taken the risk to give me. I want to be safe and loving and open and honest and reliable. In those moments of really connecting with someone, I feel like we are part of something bigger. That by loving one another, by walking together, we experience strength and safety and connection in a world that is big and lonely and scary and often seems pretty pointless. Loving another person and being of service to her makes both of us part of something bigger and more hopeful and with more meaning.

I have learned that connecting with others honestly and respectfully and lovingly is what gives my life purpose and meaning and fulfillment. Loving others fills you up. Hurting others makes you empty. So why do we spend so much of our energy and time being more and more selfish and more and more alone? When are we really gonna Choose Respect?

This week my heart hurts.